two blood clots in his lungs, a potentially cancerous growth in his lung, more potential cancer on his hip(the source of the pain in his back) and on top of that hes got annyerisms(i dont know how to spell that). so, they put him on blood thinners to fix the blood clots, but those could agitate the things i cant spell and cause them to burst, ending his life quickly.
i know my dad and hes not the kind of guy that wants people sitting around a hospital room 24hrs a day, but when things like this happen in your family, being 3000 miles away can be really hard. do i go home? do i wait til they know more? theres a huge stack of if this than thats right now and still finding out if he does have cancer.
growing up, i had the seemingly typical childhood. parents divorced when i was 1 yrs old, followed by rarely seeing my dad over the next 17 yrs. but, on the day of my high school graduation i let it all out, everything, all the bullshit and we were able to start having a real relationship.
im very thankful for that and that we were able to move on and have had a great relationship for the past 10 yrs. its amazing how many things you notice are similar once your adults.
i keep calling everyday to get updates, but it really forces our own mortality into perspective. i guess it depends on what you believe in but we all will die and its gotta be something. we cant all drift off in our sleep, carried on angels backs.
makes you think about some of your decisions and realize that maybe there are some loose ends to tie up, things to do, people to say i love you too, and old relationships that need mending.
today.
3 comments:
Thanks for making me cry, Greg!
I think the idea of time is a convention of thought and language, a social agreement. I think there is a deeper truth: We have only this moment. I think it's only possible to live happily ever after on a moment to moment basis. What I did this morning or yesterday or last year has vanished, except in my mind. And the future is just a dream. We have only this moment. Living in the present teaches me that what I do today is important, because after all, I'm trading a day of my life for it.
Maybe sit on a swing at midnight and center yourself - trust your body's instincts, your heart's intuition, and your mind's ability to access that "universal intelligence/spirit/God (whatever you choose to call it)" and let that guide you like a lantern in the dark. You'll figure it out; you'll know when it's time to get on a plane. Trust me on this.
If you need anything at all, just ask!
thanks lisa, on the topic of being here now in the moment, ive been thinking about getting "let go" tattooed on my arm.
luckily, i am pretty good at taking out time to myself, most likely being single accounts for that extra downtime now, but i try to stay centered.
I like your tattoo idea - I like it a whole lot! I wish I thought of it first! Maybe I could come up with some sort of image that can symbolize "let go" or "live in the moment" so that I'm not actually copying you?? Would you mind?
'Being single' is my middle name - has been for many years and will continue to be for many more (you read my post!) so I'm a pro at being alone. If you need any ideas on how to spice up being alone, let me know - I've gotten creative with it!
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